What sort of dog would a vampire own?
- A bloodhound
What do you call a teacher with earphones in?
- Anything you like- he can’t hear you
What do you call a fish that tunes piano?
- A piano Tuna
What do you call a teacher who falls asleep in the class?
- Nothing! You don’t want to wake him up!
What do you call a ghost’s horse?
- A Nightmare
What does the invisible man call his parents?
What do you call the Gotham city superheroes after they have been run over by a steam roller?
- Flatman and Ribbon
What do you call the hairstyle you get from sticking your head in an oven?
- A Micro-wave
What would you call a band that your father joined?
- A Pop Group
What do you call cattle thieves who wear tissue paper trousers?
What’s the history teacher’s favorite fruit?
Did you hear about the teacher who had to wear sunglasses in the classroom?
- He had extremely bright pupils
What’s the best way to tell your maths teacher that you’ve forgotten to do your homework again?
- From a great distance
What gets wetter as you get drier?
- Bath towels
Why do swimming tutors like elephants?
- Because they never forget their trunks
Why is the sky so high?
- So birds don’t bump their heads
What lies at the bottom of the sea and shivers?
- A nervous wreck
Why do bees hum?
- Because they have forgotten the words
How do you know if an elephant has been in your fridge?
- They leave footprints in the butter
What is yellow and very dangerous?
- A laser powered banana
What does it mean if you find a set of horse shoes?
- A horse is walking around in his socks
What is vampire’s favorite animal?
- The giraffe- it has such a long neck !
What is the most valuable fish?
- The goldfish !
What has one horn and gives fresh milk every day?
- A milk lorry
What should you take if a monster invites you for dinner?
- Someone who can’t run as fast as you !
Why do people employ skeletons?
- Because they work their fingers to the bone !
Why are ghosts so bad at telling lies?
- Because you can always see through them
Why did farmer send his cows to the gym twice a week?
- He wanted low fat milk !
What do you do if a vampire bites your bottom?
- I don’t know, but I wouldn’t recommend turning the other cheek !