Laugh Out Loud

Funny Questions & Answers #3: This Will Crack You Up!!(Not Literally of course)

Where do computers go to relax?

  • The disco

How do you catch a vampire fish?

  • With bloodworms

What’s white and hard and prickly?

  • A skeleton that needs a shave

Why would one wish to have been born 200 years ago?

  • Because there wouldn’t have been so much history to learn at school !

What can you give a sickly robot?

  • Iron tablets

What’s the difference between someone in a hurry and someone wasteful?

  • One makes haste the other makes waste

Which part of the computer squeaks?

  • The mouse

Where do you take a sick bird?

  • To the casualty wing

How can you save a sick vampire?

  • Stick your neck out for him

Why do you have splinters on your hand?

  • I was leafing through the captain’s log

Why was Dracula kicked out of school?

  • He failed his end of term blood test

Why do wizards have fond memories of school?

  • They always come top in spelling


Teacher: “Why have you brought a fish into music?”

Student: “You said we were going to play scales today sir !”


Should you cycle to school on an empty stomach?

  • You could, but it would be easier on a bicycle

What happened to the man who discovered electricity?

  • He got a nasty shock

Did you hear about the cabbage whose neighbor won the lottery?

  • He was green with envy

Did you hear about the man who went to the doctor and told him he thought he was suitcase?

  • The doctor sent him packing

Did you hear about the burglar who was arrested in his shower?

  • He was trying to make a clean getaway

Why is it dangerous to tell jokes when you’re skating?

  • Because the ice might crack up

I would tell you the joke about the fence…

But I know you’d never get over it !

I would tell you the joke about the fruit bowl….

But you’d go bananas !

I would tell you the joke about the highly contagious disease….

But you’re sure to get it straight away !


😀      😀     😀     😀


Funny Questions & Answers #2

What sort of dog would a vampire own?

  • A bloodhound

What do you call a teacher with earphones in?

  • Anything you like- he can’t hear you

What do you call a fish that tunes piano?

  • A piano Tuna

What do you call a teacher who falls asleep in the class?

  • Nothing! You don’t want to wake him up!

What do you call a ghost’s horse?

  • A Nightmare

What does the invisible man call his parents?

  • Trans-parents

What do you call the Gotham city superheroes after they have been run over by a steam roller?

  • Flatman and Ribbon

What do you call the hairstyle you get from sticking your head in an oven?

  • A Micro-wave

What would you call a band that your father joined?

  • A Pop Group

What do you call cattle thieves who wear tissue paper trousers?

  • Rustlers

What’s the history teacher’s favorite fruit?

  • Dates

Did you hear about the teacher who had to wear sunglasses in the classroom?

  • He had extremely bright pupils

What’s the best way to tell your maths teacher that you’ve forgotten to do your homework again?

  • From a great distance

What gets wetter as you get drier?

  • Bath towels

Why do swimming tutors like elephants?

  • Because they never forget their trunks

Why is the sky so high?

  • So birds don’t bump their heads

What lies at the bottom of the sea and shivers?

  • A nervous wreck

Why do bees hum?

  • Because they have forgotten the words

How do you know if an elephant has been in your fridge?

  • They leave footprints in the butter

What is yellow and very dangerous?

  • A laser powered banana

What does it mean if you find a set of horse shoes?

  • A horse is walking around in his socks

What is vampire’s favorite animal?

  • The giraffe- it has such a long neck !

What is the most valuable fish?

  • The goldfish !

What has one horn and gives fresh milk every day?

  • A milk lorry

What should you take if a monster invites you for dinner?

  • Someone who can’t run as fast as you !

Why do people employ skeletons?

  • Because they work their fingers to the bone !

Why are ghosts so bad at telling lies?

  • Because you can always see through them

Why did farmer send his cows to the gym twice a week?

  • He wanted low fat milk !

What do you do if a vampire bites your bottom?

  • I don’t know, but I wouldn’t recommend turning the other cheek !





Funny Questions& Answers #1

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

  • A frost bite

Where do polar bears vote?

  • The north poll

What dog keeps the best time?

  • A watch dog

What did the water say to the boat?

  • Noting it just waved

Why don’t skeletons fight each other?

  • They don’t have the guts

What has four legs but can’t walk

  • A table

Why did the elephant eat the candle?

  • He wanted a light snack

Why is the letter G scary?

  • It turns a host into a ghost

What did the spider do on the internet?

  • It made a web-site

What letters are not in the alphabet?

  • The ones in the mail of course

What’s an astronaut’s favorite place on the computer?

  • The space bar

Why did the boy eat his homework?

  • Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake

What happens to cows during an earthquake?

  • They give milk shakes

What has one head, one foot and four legs?

  • A bed

What is the difference between a school teacher and a train?

  • The teacher says “spit your gum out” but the train says “chew chew chew”

Why didn’t the skeleton go to the dance?

  • Because he had no body to go with

What gets bigger and bigger as you take more away from it?

  • A hole